For some of you, weddings have been cancelled or postponed indefinitely. Others may be having smaller, scaled down weddings according to government regulations. Either way, you have my sympathy—it’s not an easy time to be a bride or groom.
Typical wedding etiquette would dictate that you send your invitations 3 months (at least in Canada) ahead of the wedding. You would then ask guests to reply by about 4-5 weeks out from your date, so that you could have time to plan the seating and arrange meals as needed.
These days, that is totally out the window. Etiquette-Smchmetiquette!
You might be asking yourself, ‘Well, Liz, what do you suggest?’
There isn’t really a perfect answer that will work for everyone, but these suggestions will definitely help. I give some advice on both scenarios--what to do if you’re still having a wedding this year, and what to do if you postpone.
Still planning to have a wedding this year?
Get your guests' email addresses!! It is the easiest way to contact people en masse in a short period of time. You might have a few guests who don’t do email, so you can always give them a call, but for the most part, you can save time (and money) by sending an email update. Things might change between now and when your wedding happens- for example, government restrictions being lifted (fingers crossed), or a change of venue could be necessary. You might have to make last minute decisions, and snail mail is just not going to work for that.
Consider an online reply system. As a stationer, I won’t lie. This hurts me a little to say. But we’ve gotta do what we’ve gotta do. Instead of waiting for mail (it’s not the fastest during normal times), you can find out who is coming and who isn’t, without waiting around. Some people are going to stay home for various reasons, and you should respect that. A wedding this year is a little scary for some, and many people have health reasons that would keep them from attending. If guests say no, you can always invite others that you might have had to cut due to the number of people allowed, and you will have a little extra time to do that if you go with an online reply. If you choose to do a written reply, make sure you give your guests sufficient time to mail the reply back to you. Canada Post is not operating in the business as usual way yet, and likely won’t for some time. Expect major delays in guests
Didn’t send a Save the Date? Send your invitations with as much notice as possible (3 months if you can, but not more). Explain to your guests that the situation is still evolving, but you hope to have the ceremony as planned. Let them know that you understand if they don’t feel comfortable attending at this time, and remind them you still love them. (Very important in case Aunt Erma gets in a tizzy! ) Include an additional card (if your materials have already been printed) or add it to the invitation itself if possible. Either include a space for them to add their email address, give them the website they can reply to, or consider including a dedicated email address that guests can contact you at. It doesn’t need to be dedicated, but it would help prevent missed emails if you tend to get a lot of email.
Sent a Save the Date? Very likely, you’re going to have to un-invite some people. *Cringe* This one is really hard. Etiquette experts would be extremely upset with this, but there’s nothing you can do. Right now (date of publication), the max is 50 people for a ceremony, including vendors (your photographer, videographer, and officiant count toward that total, btw). If you invited more than 40 some odd guests, you’re going to have to cut the list. How do we do this tactfully? Apologize, and explain in the nicest way possible. People will just have to understand and get over it. The times are what they are, and the laws are the laws. If you flout them, you risk fines, or far worse, getting your loved ones sick. This is not what you want your wedding to be remembered for. If you plan to have a party ‘when this is all over’, let them know that you intend to celebrate with them when you can.
Be aware- You can’t please everyone. We all have our opinions about COVID and weddings these days. You may want to proceed, and some of your guests may not. It is your day and if you want to elope and only have the two of you with a couple of family members, then that is your choice to do so. As long as you are being safe and following guidelines and laws as they are the day you marry, then it is ok to do what you are doing. On the other hand, respecting your guests by respecting their choice not to attend due to their personal risks is just the right thing to do. There needs to be understanding on both sides… that you want to be married to the person you love, and will do that in the way that is available to you right now but also respecting that your guests may not want to attend given the circumstances is important. Guests need to understand that your hands are tied and you can’t have the wedding you may have originally planned. You need to understand that while you can do what you want within the law, your guests aren’t obligated to be there while you do, and don’t get upset with them for it.
Postponing your Wedding
Sent a Save the date or Invitations already? All the advice above still applies. Send out a nice card letting your guests know that you have had to postpone. If you have your new date, let them know. If you don’t, let them know that you will announce it when possible. Either way, create a website and/or collect email addresses! You never know when you may need them!
Didn’t send out invitations yet? Wait until 6 months prior to your new date and re-assess at that time. If your wedding is still feasible and moving forward, do follow the timelines outlined above. Until COVID is well and truly over, nothing is set in stone and you may have to make changes. Having the information you need from your guests will make it easier to contact and notify them of any issues moving forward.
This may not be the way you envisioned your day, but try to remember that it is only one day in your life. The important thing is that you will spend the rest of it with the person you love, making many more happy memories!
With love, sympathy, and a splash of vodka,
Liz
PS. Need a social distancing sign? We do that! See our recent blog post for more https://lizkotsamanesdesigns.ca/blogs/news/covid-19-weddings
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I have felt such sadness for the couples who were supposed to marry this year. Many of you have had to postpone or cancel your weddings, or for the lucky ones who get to go ahead, things will be rather different than you might have initially planned.
While this whole situation just plain sucks, there is still joy and love to be found. Many couples have decided to elope and just want to be married, scrapping parties until a later date.
In Ontario, as of the date of this post, couples can now have up to 50 people at an outdoor wedding, and many couples will take advantage of the new rules and be married in front of their nearest and dearest.
I had a big brainstorm the other day when I thought about the challenges these couples might face when planning a different version of their wedding. How do we keep our guests safe? Will people want to come? So many unanswered questions right now.
I decided to add a little humour to the situation, because sometimes the difference between a good day and a bad one is the abilty to laugh at the things we can't change. Thus, my latest designs were born!
I wrote a couple of little poems and created some social distancing signs that will add a bit of humour to a safety reminder. No one wants their guests to get sick from attending their wedding, so a cute and funny reminder is a great way to remind Aunt Susan (aka the cheek pincher), or Uncle Dave (the moist talker) to stay back if they want to keep getting invited to stuff!
These are available unframed as a poster so that you can choose the frame you like best or on foam core board so that you can prop it on an easel. Choose from a number of available standard sizes to best suit your needs.
Contact us today to order yours!
Stay healthy and get married!
Liz xo
PS- You could win one!! Visit us on Instagram to see how. Contest ends June 30th, 2020.
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You have been scoping out Pinterest on the daily, drooling over the picture perfect weddings and stunning stationery, and dreaming about your special day. Weddings can be expensive and you want to make the most of your budget, right? You might be able to pull it off and make nice invitations, and if you do, great!
Hear me out though—there is a certain skill set that comes along with creating wedding stationery. There are etiquette rules that should be followed, important wording distinctions and certain phrasing that is important to note, OR the ‘adults only’ event quandry—how on earth do you let your guests know without offending?!—just to name a few.
You manage to patch it together and get it fairly close… but disaster strikes. You forgot to include the ceremony time! Now you have to re-print, and pay for them all over again. The boxes of blanks from the craft store aren’t cheap, so now you’re waiting for another coupon, and you need to bring 6 friends to get enough.
Or, you were a go-getter and decided to create your own in a free cut and paste web app! But now what? You have to get these printed and the print shop says you need bleed and crop marks and your colours are off. What the heck is CMYK? Cue the frustration and frantic googling!
You really wanted those laser cut pockets, but where on earth do you get them? What kind of glue do you use to attach the invitations? You bought the wrong kind and now there are glue streaks on your invitations. You have more than 100 of them to assemble and not enough hours in the day! GAHHHHHHH!!! Hair pulling ensues.
Printed envelopes look amazing and you definitely want them, but your printer won’t take them and just keeps messing them up! Now you’ve wasted a quarter of them and you need more, but now you have to wait a week until they are back in stock and you just want to throw that printer out the window! &*#$%!!
I am going to let you in on a little secret…I was a DIYer!! I got fairly lucky… muddled my way through the craft store box and had a ‘good enough’ invite. It didn’t really match our theme because they are all pretty generic and they were acceptable, but certainly not special or unique. The printing ourselves was super frustrating and we went through a lot of waste. The wording? Well, we definitely didn’t consult any etiquette experts…oops! And those envelopes--bane of my existence!!!!
In life, they say 'you don’t know what you don’t know'. Back in 2012 when I got married, I was not yet a stationer. I had no idea that there was a certain way to tell your guests that your wedding was in a church, or that the wording can let your guests know what to wear! I definitely didn’t do the envelope addressing properly (I still cringe at what a hot mess that was to this day!!). In the years that followed, I learned that there was a lot to creating a professional, polished invitation. I learned where to get those special finishing touches, and the tips tricks to assembling things like envelope liners and pretty pocket folds. I did TONS of research before I even attempted my very first one and I am constantly learning new techniques and keeping up with innovations in print technology by attending graphic design trade shows. Honestly, a quality stationer is always learning. You’d be surprised how things can change over the years, and like most professions, we need to keep up our skills and education!
What are you getting at Liz? Get to the point! Ok, well, if you don’t have experience as a professional stationer, you probably don’t know the half of what goes into creating a custom invitation. Likely, you really don’t know how to put it all together into a beautiful creation that will wow your guests, but also set the tone for your big day. Do you know how many people show up to a wedding and realize that they are under-dressed or unprepared for what a classy event you had planned? Or that your ceremony is outdoors in the heat or cold and you forgot to give your guests a heads up? Invitations give your guests the information they need to show up on time, be dressed and prepared for the event to come, and even a guide to how swanky your party will be! Don’t leave them red-faced and unprepared because you didn’t clue them in! Don't get me started on the gifts that you *might* have gotten if people realized that this was a fancy place! ( I know this might sound a little gauche, but it is totally true! People often try to cover their own plate when they can, so if they know that it is going to be a fancy dinner with all the extras, they probably would have added a bit more to the envelope!)
There are so many reasons why DIYing invitations aren’t the best option. There might be other ways you can DIY, but invitations are best left to the pros! We know how to get them done right, and you can rest easy knowing that you will be well taken care of, have gorgeous, unique invitations and you don’t have to stress-or even fight!- about putting it all together. Time is money! If you let a pro take care of them for you, you can focus on the other things that need your attention, and have one less thing on your plate! So before you hit up your wedding party to help you glue and stuff, contact us at Liz Kotsamanes Designs to see how we can make your wedding stationery a stress-free experience!
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When planning a wedding, the big items that get booked right away are typically the venue(s), the caterer, the photographer and videographer.
Did you know, you should also book your stationer at the same time? Yes, you read that right! Book your stationer when you book your venue! Why? Well, it is simple really. We can only do so many orders for a given date, especially custom orders. If you want a Liz Kotsamanes Designs original, you need to make sure there is a spot for your wedding date. Summer is the most popular time for weddings, so spots can fill up quickly for June through September.
Once you have secured your spot, you can relax! The design and ordering process should begin around 7 months prior to the wedding. It will take approximately 12-16 weeks to design and manufacture your custom invitations, maybe more depending on the print technique you choose. To get the best possible results, giving your stationer time to come up with a unique concept and make sure the highest quality materials are available is important! You really don't want to rush the process- you might incur rush fees if you leave it too late, and when you rush, mistakes can get made. You need to leave yourself time to look over your invitations carefully and make sure that they are just how you want them for the big day. PLUS, if you want any day of stationery made for your wedding, you need to leave time for that too!
If you decide to address and mail the invitations yourself, you also need to make sure you give yourself enough time to do that as well! Ideally, invitations should go out to your guests 3 months prior to your date. To make it nice and easy, I have created a handy dandy chart that shows you when to begin the process!
Photo Credit: Tina Lazarevic Photography
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When you have custom stationery made by a stationer, the sky is really the limit! You have the ability to use the specific colours that you have chosen for your decor all throughout your stationery. You can do a subtle nod to the colours by incorporating them in minimalistic ways, such as a brush of watercolour or a floral pattern, or you can go with a big, bold splash by adding a pattern or full-colour invitation with a co-ordinated text. It is a great way to let your guests have a sneak peek at your colours (and also perhaps not end up wearing the same colour as your bridesmaids—awkward!!). Plus, when your photographer takes photos of your wedding invitations, everything will look gorgeous together since your decor and florals will match!
Invitation Wording
Relaxed, formal, minimalist, a hint of love “fromage” for the super ‘cheesy’ couple…
Your wording can be as unique as you want it to be. Yes, there is an etiquette to wedding invitations, but they need not be stuffy! Having a special theme? Why not include a poem or quote that reflects the theme you chose? Have a special saying that really reflects who you are as a couple? You can add that in!
If you are having a relaxed, casual day, we can customize the wording to let your guests know. Having a formal affair? A stationer can walk you through the customization process to make the most of the available ‘real estate’ on your invitation cards! Like Sandra & Johnny, you were "Meant to Be".
Invitation Vibes
Art deco, minimalism, watercolours, lush florals, custom crests, boho, or opulent foil. There is so much you can do to personalize your invitation and coordinate it to the big day. If Gatsby is your inspiration, then the elegant decorative lines of the art deco period would be a perfect adornment. The invitations should reflect your taste, style, and the mood of the big day itself. When you buy something from a box, while it might be pretty, it won’t truly represent all of your efforts to plan the perfect day.
Invitation Elements
Custom Graphics- You can choose to have a custom graphic created that reflects your personalities, hobbies, interests, or even your pets! Custom Crests are also an incredible way to show off the merging of two families into one!
Custom Florals- You might include similar flowers on your invitations that you are including in your decor, or use florals of a similar colour palate. When you take photos of the invitations, you can include your own beautiful fresh florals in the photos and they will look amazing together!
Custom Monograms- A striking way to incorporate the names of the couple, whether you choose first initials, last initial or the letter of your new last name, it can be an elegant and personality filled way to represent who you are together!
Invitation Accessories
Are you all about the bling? A stationer can some subtle glitz or full out glam to your invites! Glitter pockets, rhinestone gems, gem clusters or even shimmery metallic wax seals can add a special touch. A wax seal is a gorgeous way to incorporate your custom monogram!
Do you just love it when pieces all coordinate and come together? You can add a matching envelope liner, belly band, additional cards, programs, table numbers, seating charts, escort cards, menus and so many more items can be customized to match your invitations and theme.
Your wedding stationery is one of the most personalized and customizable elements of your wedding, don’t miss the opportunity to make it one of a kind! To find out how we can customize your stationery, contact Liz Kotsamanes Designs today!
If you want more stationery goodness from the LKD Blog, check out these recent posts:
https://lizkotsamanesdesigns.ca/blogs/news/why-you-should-send-out-save-the-date-cards
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Woohoo! Your partner popped the question and you are now affianced!
Congratulations!! The moment you have been waiting for finally came! You may be wondering, what comes next? Once you have booked your venue and ceremony, you need to think about your wedding stationery. Whenever possible, you should book with your preferred stationer approximately 12-16 months prior to your wedding.
Destination Weddings
If you are planning a destination wedding, a Save the Date is a must! Guests need to know that the wedding will be out of town and will need time to save up for the big day and to make arrangements for travel, child minding, pet sitting, time off of work, etc. The more notice you can give them to prepare, the better!
A Save the Date card is an opportunity to let your guests know where the wedding will take place, when it will take place, and who they can contact for travel arrangements.
We at Liz Kotsamanes Designs highly recommend sending these out to your guests one year in advance. This means that ideally, you should meet with your stationer at least 14-16 months before your wedding to create your custom Save the Dates.
Local Weddings
Save the Dates are also highly recommended for local weddings. Guests are more likely to attend a wedding when they are given plenty of notice, and prior to booking holiday plans. If you want to be sure everyone knows ahead of time when the big day will be, send a Save the Date!
Your guests will still need to make arrangements for child minding, pet sitting, time off of work, etc., similarly to destination weddings. This is especially important if you are having an adults only wedding celebration.
Save the Dates are especially useful for summer weddings, as vacations and other weddings may be booked at the same time as your big date. The sooner you let your guests know, the more likely it will be that they can plan around your date and still be able to attend.
When I got married, we had a cousin who had to attend a second family wedding on our date, so they had dinner at one wedding and danced at another! Fortunately, we had sent a save the date, so she knew well ahead of time and could plan accordingly. We were so glad she could attend ours for some of time time, rather than miss it completely!
Local wedding Save the Dates should be sent out at least 6 months prior to the wedding, but ideally anywhere from 8-12 months is best to give your guests appropriate time to plan.
Wedding Weekends
Having a multiple day event? Without a doubt, a Save the Date card is crucial for a full wedding weekend, especially a summer one! For a guest to be able to block off an entire weekend to attend your event, it requires planning ahead. Accommodations must be booked, along many of the other factors mentioned earlier. If you want people to be able to attend all of the events, they need a heads up well in advance!
Why Should I send a physical copy of the Save the Date?
You might be thinking, I'll just send an e-card to tell everyone, what is the big deal?
Well, you could do that, and yes people do it all the time. Here is the BUT…
Contact information may be old and outdated and may not make it to the guest. I have had this happen to me before. Someone uses my old email address that they had on file and didn't update, and I miss out on the invitation completely!
Spam or Junk Folders are an issue! Email constantly ends up in spam folders, and just may not get seen by a number of your guests, defeating the purpose of sending one!
In the day and age of technology, there are still many people who don’t use it- particularly older relatives. Not everyone uses email or checks it regularly!
Mementos
Finally, a beautiful, physical copy of a Save the Date card is a keepsake for your guests and often gets put on the fridge as a reminder. Many people keep the Save the Dates a souvenir.
It is very common that couples use their engagement photos on a Save the Date card, which is a great way to show off your favourite pic to people who may not otherwise have had a chance to see it. This might be the first look your guests have at the wedding that will come, so it can really set the tone for your celebration.
You can spend a little or a lot on Save the Dates. Digital printing can be a beautiful way to send a notice to your guests. Digital printing is very affordable, and you will likely only need a single stamp to send it. We start as low as $3 each for our beautiful, full colour options at Liz Kotsamanes Designs.
Want a luxury finish? We can do that too! We also offer foil and letterpress options for our clients! Starting from $7 each!
Not into traditional cards? We can help you create something out of the box, such as magnets, luggage tags, gifts and more!
Contact Liz Kotsamanes Designs today to see what we can create for you! Let us tell your love story.
Want to see more of the LKD Blog?
Check out these recent posts:
https://lizkotsamanesdesigns.ca/blogs/news/tricky-etiquette-question-no-1-adults-only-weddings
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Wedding invitations are made up of several parts. Typically, at minimum, you have your wedding Invitation and your RSVP card, so that you know who will be attending.
Invitation Card:
Your invitation has all of the who, what, where, when information on it, so it is important to have that finalized prior to creating your invitations.
The Who:
Decide who is hosting the wedding- either the couple, or members of the family, such as the parents of the couple. Whomever happens to be hosting, make sure that you know the correct spelling of those who will be included! It would be a real shame if there was an error in spelling and the invitations had already been printed!
The What:
Is it a celebration of marriage, nuptuals, or is someone getting hitched?
The Where:
Have your venue information ready- both the ceremony location and the reception location, have them booked, and have the correct spelling and address ready.
The When:
Have the times of your ceremony and reception settled with your locations, and ready for your stationer.
RSVP Card:
When do you need your guests to RSVP by? It is important to check with your caterer to find out when they need to know the final guest numbers. Plan your RSVP by date accordingly. We recommend a minimum of 3 weeks prior to the wedding date.
Do you want to include a meal choice for your guests? If so, you will need to have your menu prepared in advance.
Do you want to ask guests about dietary restrictions? If so, make sure that your caterer is willing to make accommodations for food sensitivities.
Additional Cards:
The Details Card:
Do you have additional information to convey to your guests?
If you are having a multiple day event, or have a shuttle bus, or any other important instructions, they generally go here. Occasionally, couples will choice not to do an RSVP card and use a website instead. The details card is a great place to include this information. This way, your invitation stays uncluttered and beautiful!
The Accommodations Card:
Will you have out of town guests? If you have arranged for hotel accommodations, have the hotel information, date that guests need to book by, and the code that the guests need to use when booking.
Guest Information:
It is important to have your guest list and addresses prepared for your stationer. This will help you with knowing how many invitations you should order, and will be important if you are having your stationer address your invitations. Generally, a stationer will begin addressing the invitations as soon as they have gone into production in order to coordinate all of the pieces of your invitations to be ready by the time you need them. If you have ordered liners, printing of addresses needs to happen prior to liners being applied to the envelope, which take time to assemble. If you don’t have this information ready, it might slow down the process and take longer to complete. This is especially important in the case of a rush order.
Also, if you know how many invitations you need, you will save yourself time and money! It is much less expensive to order the correct amount of pieces the first time. If you have forgotten some and need to order more, it can be very costly due to factors such as shipping costs, minimum order quantities, etc.
If you have these things prepared when meeting with your stationer, you can make the process easy peasy!
Like this post? Get more Liz Kotsamanes Blog Content here
More Posts by Liz:
5 Reasons You Should Hire a Professional Stationer
How to Have An Adults Only Reception
The "Whens" of Stationery-A Timeline of When You Need to Order
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Stationers know design. Before you purchase your wedding invitations, you should read this!
]]> Further, we know how to word invitations to make it obvious just who is in invited, but in a tactful way. Rather than trying to stress over how to politely tell your mom's cousin twice-removed that she can’t bring her 7 kids and their boyfriends/girlfriends, let us do that for you through the correct wording and addressing of your invitations!
Instead of wasting your precious wedding planning hours trying to figure out how to word something just so, let the experts take care of it all!
2. Design Aesthetic
Designers know design. We know which fonts look best, what size text to use, what colours look great together and so much more. We can articulate the ideas and mood that you might struggle to put into words or to get on paper. We also know how to beautifully blend ideas in to one gorgeous, cohesive design. We can take a basic concept from you and turn it into a work of art! If you want something truly custom to your special day, a stationer is the person to do it! Many people like to keep invitations as a keepsake from your wedding, so give them something that really represents you as a couple!
3. Time Management
You’re busy! Dress shopping, choosing a caterer, photographer, venue, bridesmaid dresses—the list is endless! You need someone to help save you time, and possibly even money. When those generic invitations show up (from a mass market printer who offers cheap business cards) and you want to cry because you hate them and then have to start over, you will wish you had hired a stationer in the first place, and not wasted your time and money!
Your invitations didn’t show up on time? Now you have to call your guests one by one to invite them. Who has time for that? Sure, maybe you could buy some digital file invites online and DIY, but where do you go to get them printed? How do you word everything properly? Forgot to include the ceremony time? Oops! Now you have to get them printed again, wasting time and more money!
When you hire a stationer, you're not just the next order in the queue! We are here to help with whatever you need! You get personalized service and a professional, polished invitation for one of the biggest days of your life.
4. Elevate your Wedding
No more boring invitations! Do you really want the same invitations that everyone buys from the craft store or an online printable that doesn’t really go with your theme or vision? A custom invitation is truly that- an invitation that reflects you, the person you can’t wait to marry, and the day of your dreams! Your theme can be carried out through your stationery, from your Save the Date Cards to your “Day of” stationery, such as menus and table numbers. Having a really customized wedding? Think of your wedding invitations as a 'sneak peek' of your wedding day. Set the scene for your big day- your invitations tell your guests what to expect ahead of time. High quality paper and careful, well-planned design speaks volumes.
Let’s be real-you just might find that you even get nicer gifts because your guests will know before they arrive that your bash is going to be seriously swanky! Stationers can vary their techniques based on your budget, so you don't need to break the bank- you can get the design you love at different price points. If you have large budget, then you can always add techniques such as letterpress or foil to really make them stand out!
5. Quality Control (aka You Get What you Pay For!)
When you don’t work with a professional, you don’t really know what you are going to get. Inferior print techniques, low-quality paper, or items you forgot to include can be disastrous! We know what to include, when to include it and most importantly, how to include it! We have experience working with brides (and grooms!) such as yourself. Yes, it is going to cost more than a DIY, but the value we add to the process is worth it! We have experience in both design and print, so you don’t need to worry about bleed and crop marks, CMYK colour vs RBG, Pantone swatches, vector graphics, design software, and all of the other things that go along with design work, not to mention all of the tricky wedding etiquette that I touched on earlier.
At Liz Kotsamanes Designs, we communicate with you throughout the process to make sure that your custom design is everything you envisioned and more. Plus, a stationer can assemble, address, and even mail your invitations for you! Who wouldn’t want to have one less task on their Wedding To Do list?
Ultimately, weddings are expensive- there is no denying it. As the person getting married, the choices are really up to you- the things that you value the most will be the ones that you spend the most time and money on, without a doubt. You may not have realized the value of a good stationer working for you when you were first starting the planning process, but it isn’t too late! A stationer can bring your wedding from ordinary to extraordinary!
If you have any questions or are interested in some custom wedding stationery for your event, contact Liz Kotsamanes Designs Luxury Wedding and Event Stationery here.
Today I will be tackling a dreaded etiquette question--how to deal with the Adults Only Wedding.
There are number of tricky etiquette questions, but perhaps one of the most pertinent is the “adults only” wedding dilemma.
It’s your day. If you don’t want kids there, that is totally your prerogative. No arguments here. I have two sweet, precious darlings of my own, but if I don’t need to bring them, I sure don’t!
It becomes tricky when other people don’t understand this. For whatever reason, some guests automatically assume that children are invited, or some insist upon it. This is hard—you don’t want to offend your guests, especially if they are family, but you need to put your foot down, and here is why:
Ambiguity is just asking for trouble. If you know that you want an adults only reception, you need to be clear, otherwise people will innocently (or not so innocently) expect their children to attend.
Regardless of WHY it is adults only, it is your call.
How do we deal with this issue?
There are a few different options, some more subtle than others.
Be clear when you address your invitations. If you address it to Mr. and Mrs. Smith, the assumption that it is just for two guests. If you address it to The Smiths, you might get their 5 children coming with them.
If you use inner and outer envelopes, address the inner ones to John and Judy, and that should be clear enough.
If this isn’t clear enough, or you worry that you might have some guest who don’t quite get it, you can include a line on your RSVP that says something along the lines of “we have reserved __ seats for you”, where you could then fill out the corresponding number.
Finally, if you really feel you need to hit people over the head with this one, you can always add ‘adults only’ somewhere in there, but it is a little tacky, and is the less favorable option.
If at this point, you have done these things and Auntie Margaret still wants to bring the whole brood, a gentle phone call is in order.
If it is really important to you to have a kid-free event, be sure to make it clear—otherwise you might find yourself serving caviar to the 5 year old that is running around with his tie around his head while his brother flings spoonfuls of peas across the table.
Kids are cute though, right? ;)
Cheers!
Liz
]]>Here are some frequently asked questions:
When do I send my invitations out?
Interestingly, there seems to be a difference in American and Canadian wedding etiquette. While our countries are quite similar, there are definitely a few things I have noticed, one of the differences being that us Canadians tend to send out our invitations sooner, and give more time to RSVP. As to why this is different, I am really not sure!
Typically, Canadians send out invitations 3 months prior to their wedding, and require their RSVP approximately 4-5 weeks prior to the event date.
Why so much time?
For starters, wedding season tends to be busiest from June-September, aka ‘not winter’ in most of Canada. This is a busy time of year, people make plans because the weather is finally nice! If you want as many people as possible to attend, it is important to give them some notice—especially if you did not send out save the dates. Also, you need to give Canada Post some time to get those invites to your guests!
Why do guests have to respond 4-5 weeks before the wedding?
This is important for all of those things that require you to have your numbers all sorted out: numbers for the caterer, favours, accommodations, and day of stationery, just to name a few. If you’re having a big wedding, you’ll need time to figure out where you’re going to put Uncle Jimmy, and how to separate Grandma and cousin Barb. Plus, the RSVPs need to find their way back to you via snail mail, or else you’re going to be calling up Aunt Ruth to see if she is coming.
Our American friends play a little fast and loose with their mailing; 6-8ish weeks prior to their event and 2-3 weeks to reply. No judgement here, buuuuuttt… the more time you have to figure out all that stuff I mentioned earlier, the less you will stress—trust me!
So, this begs the question…
When do I contact my stationer? (hopefully me!)
A good rule of thumb is to meet with your stationer at least 6 months before the wedding, maybe 7-8 for a custom design. The more time you give your stationer to design your work, the more creative you can get! Specialized processes can take time to produce, and if you don’t start the design soon enough, you may end up disappointed. Also, popular stationers can book up fast, and may only take on a limited number of clients, especially during high wedding season. To avoid disappointment, start looking shortly after you have gotten engaged or set a date!
Destination Weddings
If you have a number of guests travelling to your wedding, whether they are heading to where you call home, or a fabulous, sunny destination, you need to give them a heads up! They need to save up, book travel and accommodations and just generally prepare.
If you have many guests that need to travel, it is wise to send a save the date and to include the necessary location information. You might even want to include a wedding website for the important details. You will definitely want to give them a year’s notice for major travel (or at least as much as possible).
It ultimately boils down to this… you’re going to get a certain percentage of people who can’t make it, that is just a given. The more notice that you give your guests, the higher your attendance.
Cheers!
Liz
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I began my invitation design journey by starting with handmade greeting cards, but fate had other ideas in store. My little sister got engaged in 2015 and at that time, I decided to make her wedding invitations for her and her now husband. While it wasn’t easy, I learned A LOT, and I loved it! My desire to create custom wedding invitations was born!
Since then, I have been plugging away in my little corner of the world, studying, designing and working hard to ultimately get to where I am now—officially starting an online shop!
I have struggled with the idea of what my blog should be—anyone who knows me knows that I am a fairly no-nonsense person, and I didn’t really think Blog writing was overly important. That said, I have softened on this stance.
My goal for this blog is to be a place where I can help educate newly engaged couples about stationery and related wedding etiquette, and just generally try to make this process as easy as possible!
If you have a question you would like me to discuss, feel free to email it to me at info@lizkotsamanesdesigns.ca!
Cheers!
Liz
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